Aarti Sharma (Name Changed) was seeking my help to improve relationship issues with her husband Nikhil Vora (Name Changed) whom she got married to two years back. She revealed that she feels alienated by her husband who would spend more time at work and with his friends and very less time with her. She also shared that was also the way her father used to behave with her mother when she was a child. On probing about her equation with her parents, she mentioned that father was always absent and away but she always has this need to please her mother. She would do anything to be in the good books of the mother and made sure she was a very obedient child and that she did everything that the mother wanted her to do. Things were still the same for her. She continued to do everything to get the mother’s approval which included fighting with her to be husband at the wedding venue because Aarti’s mother wanted the boys side to spend more on the wedding at the last minute, going back on her previous arrangement of each of them bearing the expenses equally. There were many such instances where she picked up fights with her husband just because her mother disapproved of something about him.She was also extremely uncomfortable with changing her surname after marriage and liked to be called “Aarti Sharma” instead of “Aarti Vora” or “Aarti Sharma Vora”. She said changing her surname made her feel she was not her mother’s daughter anymore. She could not identify herself as Nikhil’s wife but only as her mother’s daughter. The session led to her realizing that she actually was obsessive about getting her mother’s approval hence would pick up unnecessary fights with Nikhil so she could have a story to tell mom that mom would approve of.
She was realizing the problem was not Nikhil, the problem was her need to get mom’s approval all the time. She was now being open to the idea of being Nikhil’s wife rather than just being a daughter.
With her permission and only from a therapeutic perspective and not from any moralistic perspective, I gave her a mirror and told her to address herself as “Aarti Vora” instead of “Aarti Sharma”.
She broke down while doing it and the triggering inner child emerged who was not ready to be anything but just like her mother. It was a six year old Aarti who realized that her self worth depends on only mom’s approval and without that she would feel absolutely worthless. Once the triggering inner child was healed, I made her do the mirror exercise again. This time she was getting comfortable with the idea of considering Nikhil as family and considering herself as a member of the ‘Vora’ family.
She realized she had made sure Nikhil made her feel alienated as she herself would pick fights taking up her mother’s agendas with her husband. She never behaved like her authentic self.
This session was followed by a cord reorientation session with the mother and in the energy exchange she returned the mother’s control over her and took back her self worth. She also started using the trigger for self worth that was placed in her subconscious mind that started helping her a lot.
Further sessions ruled out foreign energies, Cord reorientation with Nikhil was done too followed by resolving her passive aggressive streak which started from her dad and she was continuing it with Nikhil. The void identification exercise revealed low self worth and a thorough inner child work was done where the core issue also came out to be low self worth.
Aarti was a changed person after these sessions. I was not meeting “Aarti Sharma” anymore, I was meeting “Aarti Vora”. She was not governed by the mother anymore but was creating healthy boundaries with mom. She was maintaining a good balance between being there for her mother and her husband and his family. She started feeling like a part of Nikhil’s family.
We now wanted to check with the Higher self if her unusual obsession to get her mother’s approval was coming from any unhealed past life and there was a karmic past life where her mother was Nikhil’s first wife and the past life personality of Aarti (Shabana) was that guy’s second marriage. Even though the first wife was nice to Shabana, Shabana always was very mean to her till one day a situation happened when the first wife died saving Shabana’s life after which the rest of Shabana’s life was full of regret. We could find a link to why Aarti had this intense need to seek mother’s approval in the current life simply because Shabana had this unfulfilled desire to be nice to Nikhil’s first wife (Which was Aarti’s mom in that past life). After Shabana’s life was healed, a session for raising Aarti’s life script was done too.
After a few days Aarti thanked me saying that she now shared a very good equation with Nikhil. She felt as if she just got married and became a part of that family. She willfully applied for change of her surname in her documents and was feeling very happy about her new identity.
Another soul healed, thanks to the life transforming therapeutic modalities we have learnt in Hypnotherapy. As usual, I was smiling with gratitude, waiting for yet another chance to touch yet another life.
Dr Rahul S Dutta